We all live in a society. We are surrounded by different people, some of them polite, while others, on the contrary, are hamovitye. The norms of communication with people have been taught since childhood, but not all learn the lessons. Every normal person knows that politeness must be respected. Only here in any situations?
Sometimes in pursuit of politeness, we apply it where it is not needed. Around it there are also several myths that will help us to better use this tool of a cultural person.
Politeness means courteous conversation with everyone, smiles, attentiveness and alertness.
People are afraid that otherwise they will be considered hamam, which will narrow the circle of acquaintances. In fact, every person has a level of affability. Someone has not even a smile when meeting and shaking hands, and someone is much more reserved. It depends on the psychological characteristics of the individual. In addition, we trite can feel bad, not get enough sleep or be upset. This will lead to the fact that we become less sociable than usual. And does not man have the right to do this? After all, it’s about his life, where it’s so important to observe inner comfort. But even if a person is bad, they should not be rude to others. But do not make yourself smile when your soul is bad or just hurts. After all, it can come out very unnaturally, so that the interlocutors will suspect you of hypocrisy, which is even worse.
Stranger, who called the door with advertising, it is worth listening.
In such a situation, it tempts him to slam the door in front of his nose, so as not to listen to unnecessary and uninteresting advertising. But this may seem impolite! So you have to listen to German dishes, unique books and always sharp knives. It is necessary to understand that the entrance to the apartment is our border territory. There is no need to listen to a man only because we opened the door to him. It can also be easily closed. Thus, the visitor will not be insulted, he is simply refused attention. And it turned out that because his visit, as well as attracting attention to himself, was not initially sanctioned. Given this fact, polite people on the phone always ask in advance whether they can take away from the interlocutor a few minutes. Then a person can calmly answer, communicate or not. And obsessive sellers of this choice do not give, generating such a myth. And it works only as long as the excessively polite person himself believes in him.
A polite person should always hold constant opinions.
Some believe that changing their point of view is simply not solid. But after all, the continuation of the support of the irrelevant opinion already only from courtesy is an indicator of weakness, not strength. After all, a person does it out of a sense of fear, if others do not understand this, they will certainly feel it. Yes, and tiring it is – every moment to remember what kind of opinion and on what issues you expressed earlier. And will the person be prepared for an awkward situation when his various points of view come to light? After all, this situation will become extraordinary, usually people either get lost, or start to justify themselves, or even completely abandon their words. But will this add credibility to the interlocutors?
In order for a person to understand correctly, one’s actions must be explained. If they do not like someone, they should be apologized.
It seems that other behavior may lead to resentment from others. In fact, no one has to constantly explain the meaning of their actions, especially if no one asks for it. Often in a relationship, people work for anticipation. For example, a wife asks her husband if he bought food. The husband begins to apologize and explain why he did not. But this point of view to the wife is already uninteresting, she is already in the store and wants to know what it is she to buy. Similarly, we behave in relation to our feelings. Therefore, even if we are asked for explanations, it is our own business to provide them or not.Politely will explain to those with whom there are any personal or working relationships, and even then, in case of a request. This is what determines the politeness in the relationship. It is not necessary to explain to the simple seller why his goods you do not want to acquire, this with courtesy has nothing in common.
Everyone needs to like and have a good reputation. But a bad opinion should be corrected as quickly as possible.
Would it be polite to seem bad? The fact is that trying to correct an impression of yourself can only spoil the situation. As a result, in pursuit of politeness, a person will acquire a negative reputation. If a mistake is made, it is not worth to seem like someone else and to prove your right to this step. You just have to admit the wrong thing and apologize for it if necessary. After all, if a person is thought of badly only on the basis of his established opinions, sports predilections or political views, then this can not be corrected by any forces. Psychologists say that we do not come to the world in order to meet the expectations of other people. A person must learn to understand each other and respect someone else’s point of view. If he can not do this, then nothing can be done in this case. And in attempts to be polite and like everyone, we harm ourselves just to ourselves. People start to think about us that we do not have a core, that we are weak. How can you respect someone if he does not respect himself?
It is better for a person to make mistakes as little as possible, and if it does happen, then from politeness one should feel guilty.
Who said that mistakes are necessarily bad? After all, this way a person pays for his priceless experience. It’s not for nothing that the proverb says that one who does nothing does not make mistakes. However, this approach does not mean that you can stop being responsible for your actions. A simple feeling of guilt is paralyzing people. After all, if there is guilt, then there will inevitably be a punishment. A chain of error-fault-punishment is built. But no one wants to be punished, so everyone is afraid of making mistakes. The chain begins to form in the opposite direction – we are afraid of punishment, we are afraid of mistakes, and, as a consequence, we begin to evade actions. This leads to the fact that people are afraid to get acquainted, communication with a new person for themselves is given with difficulty. And from relatives sometimes an attempt is made to fence off a stone wall. But when there is no fear of punishment, nothing prevents to take responsibility. A new chain is built up-error-responsibility-correction. For example, an occasional resentment of someone requires not punishment, but a correction of the situation, in this case an apology. If a conflict has occurred because of a misunderstanding, then the event can be tried to clarify. As a result, a person can remain open and honest in relation to himself and his relatives, if there is no fear of error or too close communication with someone.
A polite person will never say that he is not interested or he does not understand what is at stake.
People from politeness are afraid of appearing narcissistic. First of all, do not be afraid of words starting with “I”. The so-called “I-messages” are completely permissible in communication. Talking about yourself can be anything if it describes our feelings. But the phrase “I think this is nonsense” is inadmissible, since it contains an assessment of a person and his words. But to say “I’m distracted” or “I feel bad” is entirely permissible for constructive conversation. Phrases that look more like diagnoses, “nonsense”, “it’s nonsense,” “it’s stupid,” can not be used either. Consent is difficult to achieve if the addressee will sound “you do not understand”, “you say nonsense,” “you do not understand this issue.” It is then that there will be a feeling that the person is excessively ambitious and devoid of flexibility.
It’s a shame to say that you do not know something.
People with encyclopedic knowledge are extremely few, the average person can not know everything. But not everyone can admit it. Attempts to portray themselves as connoisseurs are easily suppressed even by adolescents.It is known that schoolchildren respect those teachers who do not want to show their absolute knowledge on all issues, but honestly admits that they do not know something. In this situation, the teacher will be appropriate to promise to study the issue and in the next lesson to give the correct answer. Unfortunately, people consider it impolite to admit their ignorance. After all, it seems that the illusion of knowledge is easier to create than to try to really understand the problem. The simplest thing to say is that it’s just not interesting. After all, not knowing the object that you care about is not at all disgraceful.
Even if you need help, do not show it.
People are often afraid to admit that they have lost their way, or ask where the closest toilet is. All of us sometimes need help or even sympathy. But for some reason it is believed that such requests are impolite, besides they demonstrate weakness and impotence. But following such a myth only worsens the situation, especially if the question concerns several people. As a result, a large project may arise, as one employee refused to recognize the problem and ask for help. Marriage breaks up, as one of the spouses does not want to talk about their problems. The disease progresses and passes into a difficult stage, since the patient did not consult the doctor in time. In fact, a timely request for help is a sign of a mature attitude toward life. In this case, it becomes clear that the one who is not the one who wants the most to show himself to the adult and the independent. On the contrary, inside he feels insignificant and weak, afraid of exposure. And our entire society is pretty infantile, so this myth took root.
You have to earn authority and prove your worth.
Many people consider aspiration for authority to be very natural and polite, because otherwise a person can lose respect. But it is worth repeating again that they respect the one who respects himself. For a normal person to have authority is a natural task, he does not constantly think about how to conquer and retain it. He just communicates with everyone, and people respect him for something. And thoughts about gaining authority and its further maintenance come to mind to those who do not have it. If we are constantly in a state of invisible struggle for respect for others, but it’s all there, then maybe it’s time to change the methods? And the statement about the need to struggle for authority and the fear of losing it is actually absurd. And getting rid of all the above myths will allow you to become an authority, and remain a really polite person.