Office Merfology

Six laws of office mercorphology.

1. If there are not any mistakes in business letters, then at the post office something will be confused.

Consequence.

Errors will be found in the second copies of the boss when he starts to read them.

2. Office equipment, flawlessly working during the day, will break down when you come to the office in the evening to use it for personal purposes.

3. A broken machine will work fine when a mechanic comes to repair it.

4. Envelopes and stamps, which you licking your tongue, unsuccessfully pasted to the envelope, will themselves stick to any foreign objects.

5. Vital papers lead their important lives, disappearing from their place without leaving a trace.

6. The last one who leaves or falls under the reduction will be considered responsible for all sins – until the next one appears – the same.

The Devry’s Dilemma.

If you simultaneously pressed two keys of the typewriter, then the one you pressed accidentally is printed.

The law of filling the volume.

The necessary securities in the portfolio are accumulated until they occupy all the space reserved for them.

Consequences.

1. To put in the portfolio one more document, you need to put some.

2. The document, which is laid out today in the office, is urgently needed at a business meeting.

3. Until the document is laid out, it will not be needed.

Fox’s note on the bureaucracy.

Bureaucracy can eclipse anything.

Consequence.

Never get caught between two bureaucrats.

Break the law of Young.

The dead tree part supports the tree itself.

Consequence.

The fact that it still stands does not mean that it is alive.

Hofstedt’s principle of the labor market.

Disorder creates jobs.

The Mackernack Act.

Anyone who has not been taught any past mistakes will necessarily repeat them.

The principle of deviation from Owen’s organizational course.

In each organization there is a certain number of places that need to be filled by incompetent workers.

Consequence.

If one of them resigns, another will be found on this place.

The Lipman Lemma.

People specialize in the area in which they are most incompetent.

Theory of sampling control.

It was in that one moment in the whole day when you leaned back in your chair and relaxed, through the office will pass with the bypass boss.

Remark of Lonegeir.

Asking stupid questions is easier than fixing stupid mistakes.

The Stranow Law.

If you’ve tried everything and can not do anything, try what the boss offers.

The second law of Brintnall.

If you received two mutually exclusive orders, execute both.

Shapiro’s law on remuneration.

The one who does the least, receives the greatest reward.

Oune Law for Secretaries.

You should sit down for a cup of hot coffee, as the boss will ask you to do something that will take as long as it takes to make the coffee cold.

Dowan’s Laws on Slow Action.

1. The better a person knows how to work hard, the less he will be given work.

2. The slower a person works, the less he makes mistakes.

The Law of Harbor.

The deadline for completing the work is a week, which follows the week of the last term.

Eddie’s first law on business.

Never negotiate until 10 am and after noon. Up to 10 you are full of fears, and after 16 people think that you are in despair.

List of convenient clerical excuses.

1. We always do that.

2. I did not think you would need it so urgently.

3. It’s not my part.

4. Nobody told me to continue this work.

5. I’m waiting for approval.

6. How was I to know that this is not it?

7. It’s his job, not mine.

8. Wait until the boss comes, and ask him.

9. We usually do not make many mistakes.

10. I did not know that it was very important.

11. I’m so busy that I just can not do it.

12.It seemed to me that I already told you about this.

13. I was not hired for this.

The first law of Gluck.

In whatever direction you turn, going into the elevator, the buttons will always be on the opposite side.

Lynch Act.

The elevator will always open after you put the suitcase on the floor.

Fox’s note on sycophancy.

It is always useful to do something to be a good messenger.

Consequence.

When bad news arrives, try not to be in the office.

Pintow Law.

If you do good once, it will become your habit.

The Second Law of Connor.

If there is anything strictly confidential, it remains to lie in the copier.

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