The paradox of childish babbling.
Instead of learning how to say “mom” and “dad,” your one-year-old child will successfully train all older brothers and sisters, as well as all adults in the family, how to babble and sissy like a child.
The first word of the child.
Your child’s first word will be that four-letter word that you usually mumble when you find yourself having to change your diaper again. (Hint: everyone loves it for Shrovetide.)
Unsuccessful exposure of strangers.
Your ingenious child loves doing your hands, waving a pen and doing “goodbye”, and sending kisses … except when there is someone outside.
Problems with daytime sleep.
1. The less your preschooler sleeps during the day, the more tired and capricious.
2. The less your preschooler sleeps during the day, the more you get tired and nervous.
Fee for genius.
1. The sooner you teach your children letters, the sooner they will be able to understand the words that you and your spouse secretly exchange among themselves, spelling, for example, p-o-r-a-s-pa -th.
2. The sooner your children learn to understand on the watch, the sooner they will know exactly when to start the tactic of delaying their retirement.
Universal methods of delaying sleep.
That’s what every child says after you say “good night” to him:
1. I want to drink.
2. I need a pot.
3. Can I hug you again?
4. Can I listen to another tale?
5. I have a terrible monster under my bed.
Moratorium on malicious intent.
Never dump on malicious intent what can be explained by fatigue.
No matter how high and far you hide your fragile family relics, your child will find a way to break them.
Riddle of things that are inaccessible to children.
The only one in your house who is able to open a bottle of aspirin, specially made so that it is not available for children, is your child.
Postulate of a puddle.
The bigger and dirtier the puddle, the more likely it is that your child, shod in new shoes, will be there.
1. Your child is not able to tell how deep the puddle is, if not go into it at least until the middle.
2. Doing this geological research, your child never pulls on the boots.
Guaranteed appearance times.
For children, suddenly or suddenly start to fight or cry:
1. When you picked up the phone.
2. When daddy or mommy come home.
3. When a sermon begins in the church.
4. When they are posing for a photo.
1. The quieter in the toilet, the more likely it is that your baby pours it into the toilet bowl of goldfish.
2. The quieter in the living room, the more likely that your little son is now painting on the wall with nail polish.
3. The quieter in the bedroom, the more likely it is that your son or daughter pulls out a goldfish from the aquarium, pours it with nail polish and uses it to paint the wall with its tail.
Case of a broken vase.
It’s easier to glue a vase than to find one of your children who broke it.
1. The only things that you can not find in the bathroom among all these toys, boats and ducks is soap and a washcloth.
2. What you can still find is the contents of a full tube of toothpaste (on the floor and partly on the mirror), half of the jar with shaving cream (a shampoo will add to it) and a full roll of toilet paper (unwound) .
Condition of the carpet and its role.
The better the carpet is cleaned in the house:
1. All the more likely that your baby will pour a glass of grape juice on it.
2. All the more likely that your baby will napotchet on it with dirty boots.
3.It is all the more likely that your toddler trained to use the toilet will make one small (and maybe even bigger) “mistake” for him.
The case of a pristine and eternally clinging vine.
1. When you are talking on the phone, they yell right in your ear.
2. When you read a newspaper, they are engaged in wrestling right behind your chair.
3. When you cook in the kitchen, they try to multiply the mess.
4. When you want to leave the house at night in business, they hang on your foot.
5. When it is high time to go to kindergarten, they can not be found anywhere.
Guide to shopping.
In the supermarket your child:
1. Pull out one roll of toilet paper and dump all the rest.
2. Eat a few grapes and discard all the rest.
3. Eat a few cookies and crush all the rest.
4. Rolls a whole loaf of bread into small balls.
5. Uses cucumbers as a weapon and will “shoot” them at other buyers.
6. At the moment when you turn away for a second, get out of the cart for the selection of goods and somewhere slip away – and then remember how they called.
7. Directly from the cart will make a nice puddle on the floor through the diapers, while you wait in line on the approaches to the checkout.
8. It will go to sleep as soon as you start dragging packages with purchases to the car.
The first law of literature.
Your child’s favorite book is the one you hate the most.
Judgment from the converse.
Your favorite children’s book is one that your child completely ignores.