Murphy’s Laws on Pregnancy

The question of weight gain.

1. Of all the women who go to your group from the women’s consultation on the preparation for childbirth, only the one who shyly questions all the other pregnant women, how much they gained, the increase will correspond to the textbook to the accuracy of a gram.

2. At a control meeting six weeks after the birth, she will be the only one who climbed into her old jeans, while everyone else wears special pants for young mothers.

Signs of pregnancy and familiar acquaintances.

The sooner you announce your pregnancy, the more often you will hear people say:

1. “Are you still pregnant ?!”

2. “It looks like you’ve become pregnant forever!”

3. “You should try to set a new record of pregnancy time.”

4. “Well, I did not know that you are waiting again … How, you mean that it’s still the same pregnancy?”

Useful advice.

Do not announce your pregnancy until you hear a giggle whenever you turn to someone sideways.

Duration of pregnancy.

An elephant has a gestation period of two years. People only think that it’s so long.

Awkwardness when carrying.

Here is how you can delicately inform others that you have sat through your term:

1. All of your classmates from a women’s consultation have already given birth to their babies.

2. You can not remember how it happens when you are not pregnant.

3. You are now called twenty times a day by friends and relatives, and all as one “just wonder how you are doing.”

4. You burst out sobbing whenever the phone rings.

How to make the most of your belly.

1. Use it as a place to fold books.

2. Use it as a table for the TV.

3. Use it as a device to ensure buoyancy.

4. Use it as part of Santa Claus costume.

5. Use it as an excuse.

6. Rent it out for advertising.

The advice of one wise person.

Once you are sure that you are pregnant, take a photo of your waist as a memory … you can never see her again.

The mystery of birth.

No matter how you push, you still can not even imagine how it is possible to take and squeeze out a three-and-a-half kilogram fifty-centimeter man.

Prenatal game of hide and seek.

1. At the moment when the husband puts his hand on your stomach, your baby will stop moving.

2. At the moment when he removes his hand, the baby will kick you in the most serious way.

Distortion of the calendar.

The ninth month is the longest.

Consequence with warranty.

You can not be pregnant forever.

Consequence.

Earlier or later, but “something will definitely happen.” It remains only to hope that this will not be a nervous attack.

How to get out if you have a very long time.

That’s what you have to say, when you’ve had the whole thing dragged on too long: “Your midwife has retired.” All of his practice is smoothly turning now to his son. “

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