Murphy’s Laws on Men and Women

Report on combat losses.

In the battle of the sexes, no one ever wins.

Cardinal opening.

To find out why they are called the “opposite sex”, it is enough to do the only thing: tell them your opinion on any issue, then listen to their opinion – the opposite.

Threat of misunderstanding.

The probability of mutual misunderstanding in a conversation with a representative of the opposite sex is directly proportional to the number of words and gestures used.

Thanks to Aunt Eve.

If God did not create women, there would be no one for men to blame for their mistakes.

Doubt in courage.

If men were braver than women, they would not be so desperate to put flowers on their table more often.

The myth of the superwoman.

Women want to have everything at once: a successful career, a happy marriage and loving children.

And that’s what they get in reality: the sea of ​​work in the service, a lot of work around the house and plus to this – the homework of the children.

Forecast of feminists.

All the women’s work is never done .. the man.

Cold Code.

1. When a man has a cold, he is “absolutely helpless.”

2. When a woman has a cold, she “only squelches her nose.”

A wise thought about weight.

1. When a man is gaining weight, he looks “more solid.”

2. When a woman is gaining weight, she looks “fat.”

Nerd about gray hair.

1. When a man’s hair turns gray, he looks “uncommon.”

2. When a woman’s hair turns gray, she looks “old”.

Willingness to drink.

1. When a woman wants to drink, she goes to a home bar and pours.

2. When a man wants to drink, he says: “How about a drink, dear?” – and continues to sit in his soft armchair, while she brings one glass for him and another – for herself.

Axioms of love affair.

1. When a man has a novel on the side, he needs understanding.

2. When a woman’s affair is on the side, it’s unforgivable.

3. When a man has a novel in another city, where he goes on business, it “happens on another territory.”

4. When a woman has a novel outside the house, she “desecrates a love nest.”

Warm up after the robots.

1. Before work, a woman covers the beds, prepares breakfast and cleans up the kitchen … while the man reads the newspaper.

2. After work, the woman prepares dinner and cleans up in the kitchen … while the man in detail describes how he had a difficult day at work today.

The equity factor.

1. If men gave birth, in America they would have introduced a six-month paternity leave, paid for a long time.

2. If men had a monthly, each time this case would be provided for a week’s vacation, and paid.

Casual with earnings.

Men find it remarkable that women make a career … until the woman’s salary exceeds his own.

Hands are important too.

They say that love is blind. That is why men have such sensitive, business hands.

Aboriginal return.

Men often feel like returning to the womb … on average it happens twice a week.

A decisive comparison.

1. Cucumbers are better than men, because then you do not have to sleep on a wet one.

2. Vibrators are better than cucumbers, because they do not become soft after two weeks.

3. Men are better than vibrators, because although you can get a quick-shot small-caliber, it is not out of the question that a strong middle peasant will turn up, and maybe he will be lucky enough to get even a large-caliber and also long-playing one.

Time limit.

1. When you have the whole night at your disposal, it takes only a minute.

2. When you have only 10 minutes at your disposal, it lasts forever.

New terminology.

In former times they were called “dirty old men”. Now they are called “sexually active elderly citizens”.

Patented product.

In your love life there is nothing so bad that a little bruise would not cure.

Dilemma dissatisfaction.

In former times, men were happy if they could get inside and reach a climax. Now they do not feel happy if you both do not achieve simultaneous multiple orgasms.

Changing virginity.

The same women, who in olden times insisted that they are virgins, now just as stubbornly assert that they are insatiable.

The myth of masturbation.

1. Masturbation does not lead to blindness.

2. If, while masturbating, you eat carrots, your vision can even really improve.

How to find this coveted point?

If you are not able to find “the very place” called “point G”, do not worry … no one can do it.

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