Murphy’s laws on discipline

Problems with a knock at the door.

Your baby has a strange talent for:

1. Knock on the door of your bedroom just when you are about to have sex.

2. Go into your bedroom without knocking, when you already have fun with sex.


The more children you have, the less chance you have of having sex safely and without interference.

Unexpected circumstances.

1. From the kiss, most of the sores in the child disappear.

2. To kiss all the sores – this is a full-time lesson.

Guest principle.

Five minutes before the arrival of the guests your baby:

1. Suddenly forget how he was taught to walk on the potty.

2. Suddenly forget all the good manners.

Lack of trust.

1. When you say to the kids “no”, they do not believe that you really meant to forbid them this.

2. They will beg for you again and again until you say yes.

3. Even if you do not say “yes”, they will in any case do what they wanted.

The prohibition factor.

The harder and harder you forbid something, the more often they will do it.

Doctrine of decibels.

1. The louder you yell, the less they hear you.

2. The less they hear you, the louder you have to yell.

A startling solution.

When you catch your child on the fact that he is kicking another child, you need to grab him more firmly, spank him properly and bellow: “Now you’ll know how to be cruel!” … and he really will know.

Riddle about crying.

1. The weaker the pain, the longer and louder they cry.

2. The more you comfort them, the louder and longer they cry.

Fix the situation.

It is impossible to “catch them on the fact that they are doing something right” until they really do it right.

Tactical techniques in hysterics.

1. The intensity of hysterics is inversely proportional to the importance of the event that generated it.

2. The more intense the hysterics, the less likely that someone will be able to remember, because of what it began.

3. The harder you persuade your two-year-old baby to calm down, the longer the hysteria will last.

4. The stronger you are discouraged and dislodged by the fact that the child has rolled you a tantrum, the longer it will turn out to be.

Mental trauma associated with learning how to use the toilet.

1. There are more than a thousand different teaching methods for how to use the toilet.

2. None of them work.

3. Do not worry … only very few children wear diapers or diapers when they go to school or even to a kindergarten.

One good fact.

The next day after you finally give in and give up trying to teach them this cunning business, they start on their own initiative to go to the potty.

A few predictions about the pot.

1. As soon as the baby is tightly packed into the coveralls for playing in the snow, he immediately wants to go to the potty.

2. If before you put the baby to bed, you forget to bring him to the toilet, he will write into the crib.

3. If before you put the baby to sleep, you will take him to the toilet, he still pisses in the crib.

A refuge in the toilet.

When you are not able to endure everything that’s happening, hide in the toilet. This way you will get yourself a few minutes of peace and quiet. Until the moment when they find out where you have settled, and begin to break open the door.

The law of bed linen.

The next night after you change your baby’s bed, he will write a good bed.

A trap connected to the toilet.

1. When you are going to go with the children to the store, they do not want to go to the toilet before leaving.

2. Once you have arrived at the store, they are just dying – so they want to go to the toilet.

3. Unfortunately, the store does not have a toilet, which they could use.

4.When you finally find a toilet that they can use, it’s too late.

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