Merfolology for patients

The Glover Law.

If the patient feels the need to calm the doctor, then this is always a bad sign.

Syndrome of a false symptom.

Whatever symptoms you describe, your friends will claim that they are all the same.

Stoker lemma.

If your time has not yet come, even a doctor will not be able to kill you.

Tom’s truism.

We become sick because of anxiety about our health.

Young’s Law.

There is a big difference between a good doctor and a bad one, but very small – between a good doctor and the absence of any doctor.

Cumberland’s remark.

Better let it wear than rust.

Kinney rule.

To recognize a doctor standing, choose one who still has amygdala and appendix.

The first rule of classical medicine by Dr. Cohen.

What you do not accept can not hurt you.

Davey’s law for patients.

If your state of health seems to be improving, it may be because your doctor is starting to get sick.

Marino Law.

Gases always go away from you just before the doctor enters the examination room.

Principles of the doctor’s reception.

1. The wealth of the situation in the doctor’s office is inversely proportional to his competence.

2. The longer you stayed in the doctor’s office, the less you will stay in his office.

Law of Guerrero.

The more boring and old the magazines lying in the doctor’s waiting room, the longer you have to wait for the appointment.

Clinical principle.

The longer you stay in the doctor’s office, the higher the probability that you will be sent to another place where you will again begin waiting for admission.

Law of Livin.

You will certainly urinate right before you are asked to urgently pass urine for analysis.

The Law of Fotnorow.

There are no scientific laws in medicine.

Basic rule of supply.

If any food is useful to you, it is very tasteless.

Warning.

If any food is very tasteless, then this alone does not mean that it is useful to you.

The principle of Ljalla for patients.

From the fact that the doctor knows the name of your disease, it does not follow that he knows what it is.

Prevention of Matz.

Beware of a doctor who is famous for his ability to easily get out of trouble.

The Edda law for fluoroscopy.

The colder the X-ray table, the larger the area of ​​your body you will need to place on it.

Bierce definition.

A doctor is a person to whom we place all our hopes when sick, and we hang all dogs when we are healthy.

Rule of Cicero.

To live a long time, live slowly.

Klein’s law on side effects.

Every take-off has a fall.

Rule of the night nurse.

This fucking nurse peeps into the room only in the morning, and at those moments when relatives and friends come to you.

Rules of sports injuries.

1. A large investment in the purchase of sports equipment will immediately be followed by a major injury that will permanently deprive you of your ability to work.

2. The sooner you heal your trauma, the sooner you will be able to go back to sports and again get a trauma.

3. In the absence of major injuries, you will be pursued by small ones, so that in the end time available for sports activities will still be minimized.

The Rule of Barach.

An alcoholic is a person who drinks more than his doctor.

Surgical principle of Stewart.

The time spent in the surgical department is inversely proportional to the time spent in the excitement about this.

Warner’s Principles for Prescribed Drugs.

1. Only adults have difficulty with bottles that are not available to children.

2. On the last day of intake, there are always too many tablets, or too little.

3. The tablets to be taken with food will be the most unappetizing and unpleasant to the taste.

Smith’s Rule of Self-Destruction.

The patient most in need of reasonable medical advice – this is the one who is least susceptible to such advice.

The basic principle for medical advice.

If it seems good to you, do not stick to it.

Logan’s Misunderstanding.

Even the best friends can not attend funerals from each other.

Observation of Mark Twain.

If you refrain from drinking, smoking, revelry and running after skirts, then do not necessarily provide yourself a long life – but it will seem to you a long time.

Principle of neoteny on Damper.

An adult is an impaired version of a child.

Derivative law of Baker.

After passing through the top of the hill, you immediately gain speed.

The law of Nitzberg.

The house is managed by the sickest of his tenants.

Dilemma patients.

Whatever your condition, it will improve dramatically as you walk from the doctor’s office to the examination room.

Consequence.

All symptoms will resume as soon as you leave the doctor and drive off the car park.

Rules of hospital bedding.

1. It is always a bit too far to reach a bedpane

Consequence.

If you manage to reach, its contents will be shed.

2. The only way to find the call button is to click it randomly.

3. The faster you need to go to the toilet, the more entangled the dropper tubes for intravenous infusion.

4. As soon as you fall asleep, someone will wake you up to give a pill of sleeping pills.

5. Every hospital employee assumes that each patient is hard of hearing.

6. The better your appetite, the worse in the hospital they feed.

Fuller’s observation.

The patient who made the doctor his heir probably has no chance of recovering.

The Jenner Rule.

Never believe what, according to the patient, the doctor told him.

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