Guaranteed plan, conception of the second child.
1. Tell your parents that you have decided once and for all to stop participating in solving the problems of the world population crisis.
2. Get into debt even deeper.
3. Buy yourself an expensive house with two bedrooms.
4. Directly at home, sell your children’s furniture cheaply.
5. Buy yourself a new supply of expensive clothes for those who decided never to become pregnant.
6. Finally, teach your first child to sleep through the night without waking up.
The prospect of a second child.
Having got yourself a second child:
1. You will appreciate the wisdom of those who decided to stay on one.
2. You will question the wisdom of those who have three or four.
3. You doubt the sanity of those with five or more.
Prescription for the interval.
The optimal interval between two children is one generation.
1. When your first child drops the pacifier on the floor, you sterilize it and bathe the baby.
2. When your second child drops a pacifier, you lift her from the floor, wipe your shirt and pop it back into your mouth.
3. When your third child drops a nipple, you let the dog pick it up and give it to the baby.
Stable approach to clothing.
1. If your second child has a floor opposite the floor of the first, you will have to buy him a new set of children’s clothing.
2. If your second child is of the same sex as the first, he will be born at another time of the year, so you will still have to buy him a new set of children’s clothes.
Effects of amnesia.
In the process of giving birth to your first child, you will swear yourself never again to plunge yourself into these terrible tortures … and only when you give birth to a second child will it come to you why you swore it.
Law of Mother Murphy in expanded form.
The more children you have, the more different things can and will go wrong.
The fastest way to go crazy is to try to settle the conflict between your children.
There is no such lie detector or elixir of truth that would help you determine which of the two kids knocked the other first.
Two can start a great fight, even when they are both wrong.
The doctrine of justice.
1. Your children are fighting to achieve justice.
2. Life is unfair.
3. They fight nonstop.
The dilemma in the case of a drink.
1. If you do not pour two pre-kindergartens ideally equal portions of the drink, then by yourself will provoke a fight between them.
2. It is impossible to pour two preschoolers ideally equal portions of the drink.
3. No snack can be considered complete without the inevitable question: “How did it happen that he was given more than me?”