Murphy’s Laws on Marriage

The first law of marriage.

This is always the fault of your spouse.

This contract costs you dearly …

Conversations are cheap. Wedding rings – no.

Western marriage.

Marriage is much easier to enter than to get out of it.

Chances of marriage.

1. A lone 30-year-old woman has only a 20 percent chance of getting married.

2. A lonely 35-year-old woman has only a five percent chance of getting married.

3. A lonely 40-year-old woman has more chances to be killed by a terrorist.

Offer to get married.

Your prospects are rather dull if the only people who beg you to marry are your mother and father.

Dilemma: to lend or to love?

Never marry for money. Lend them to you will be cheaper.

Funny thought about fun.

If it was supposed that married life is fun fun, this business would not start in the church.

The fairy tale.

In fairy tales, he and she passionately fall in love with each other, marry, and then all their lives until old age safely live, live and make good. That’s why these stories are called fairy tales.

All good things come to an end.

Marriage is the fastest way to destroy a good relationship.

Analogy with “horse and carriage”.

The English say: “Love and marriage go together as a horse and a carriage.” Tell me honestly, when was the last time you saw a horse and a carriage, and even in a pair?

The law of love and marriage.

Love is an ideal. Marriage is a reality.

From the report of the ophthalmologist.

Love can be blind, but marriage, truly opens people’s eyes.

The logical consequence of excessive enthusiasm.

Some women first do not know why, and then marry him.

Marriage exchange.

When you get married, you exchange the attention of many for the inattention of one.

Repetition of the courtship process.

If men after the marriage continued to act in the same spirit as in courtship, divorce would be less, but bankruptcies – more.

Criteria of debt.

Marriage is a serious obligation. This is best realized by those who are long overdue to get married.

Marriage difference, or two big differences.

The most important difference between men and women is that women want a husband, and men want a mistress.

Dining dilemma.

Married men want to come home and discover food on the table. About the same dream and married women.

Failure in memory.

You perfectly remember when and where you married, but you can not remember why and why you did it.

The story of the fish that sailed.

The woman you almost married at one time does it much better than the one you really married.

A man you almost married in your time does it much better than the one you really married.

The secret of success.

Many men succeeded in their deeds thanks to their first wife, and they achieved their second wife just because of success in business.

The paradox of love / sex / marriage.

1. Love without marriage is doubtful and unreliable.

2. Sex without marriage is dangerous.

3. Marriage without sex leads to discouragement and longing.

Snoring syndrome.

One of the spouses who snore louder, always falls asleep first.

On the second circle.

The older the man, the younger his second wife.

The secret of a successful marriage.

Marriage would have a much better chance of success if the bride married the best friend of the groom – then he is the best – and the bride, as he should, would have remarried.

Lack of money.

You can not buy love for money. But for money you can buy a very fashionable wedding.

Loopholes in vows at the altar.

When the texts of wedding vows were written at the altar, they covered some of the loopholes with their help, for example:

1. In wealth or in poverty.

2. At best or at worst.

3. In sickness or in health.

But something is still forgotten:

1. In fat or leanness.

2. In their right mind or in their insanity.

Communion at the altar.

By the time you say “I promise,” you probably already did a lot of what you now promise.

Opinion about the honeymoon.

Everyone says that when young people spend their honeymoon, something much more happens in their life than sex … but no one can remember what it is.

Wedding nightmares.

Here are the reasons why sex never fails on your wedding night:

1. You try to deal with it at a time when you are usually long asleep.

2. You are both drunk, like shoemakers.

3. It is difficult to perform a maneuver for which you need a sense of balance, a sense of rhythm and subtle impressionability when the bed under you goes shaking.

Economic mystery.

After the married couple unites the two salaries into one and starts living in one place, the spouses will have less free money than each of them had when they lived on their own.

Prediction of the miser, who pays for a penny.

They say that together you can live on the same money as one. Lies.

Axiom of consent.

The couple for the last time in their life expresses a single opinion on any issue during the Church Wedding Ceremony, when both say: “I agree.”

A subtle semantic difference.

1. You call this “the expression of your feelings.”

2. He calls it “grumbling” or “niggling.”

Difference in growth rates.

After marriage, each of the spouses is sure that it grows and changes faster than the other.

Participation factor.

1. Sex is one of the few types of marital activity where both partners can participate on an equal footing.

2. Another kind of activity is a quarrel.

The best way to start a quarrel.

1. To perceive any event that happened in the house as a personal insult.

2. To blame for what happened the other half.

3. Raise your voice, start poking your fingers and gesticulate.

4. And then say: “You started this scandal!”


The best contraceptive is a good quarrel.


If married couples did not go to bed furious with each other, they could never get a little sleep.

Tip Fillil Diller.

Never go to bed evil. Get up and swear.

Soapy surprise.

The more “soap operas” you watch on TV, the better your marriage looks in your eyes.

Not everyone is sawing.

You always saw the one you love.

Mating error.

Couples are really selected in heaven, but if the pair is badly confused, a fuse burns out, an explosion occurs, they fly from head to toe with the headstart – and we see another, mundane version of the series “Star Wars”.

Solving the problem.

Do not go to bed with your problems … sleep in separate beds.

Adultery, or who more like it.

People prefer to change, not change.

Symptoms of treason.

He probably has an affair on the side if he needs two hours to buy a newspaper at a kiosk at the corner, plus half an hour in the bathroom before and after.

The reveler syndrome.

Who walks young, walks all his life in the smoke.

Best revenge.

When a woman steals your husband, the best revenge is to let her live with him.

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