Syndrome of Dr. Spock.
1. Solutions for all of your child’s problems are in Dr. Spock’s book.
2. By the time you remove this book from the shelf and find the right page in it, you will have two new problems, the solution of which you need to urgently seek.
Prognosis of gastric colic.
1. When babies cry without ceasing for no apparent reason, they surely have “colic”.
2. When your child has colic, you can cry for no apparent reason, although you do not have any colic. You are simply exhausted, and you have neither strength nor nerves.
The final solution to the problem of gastric colic.
Order a first class cabin for two on a slow liner to China and send your child along with his deaf nurse to the cruise.
Playing in anticipation.
1. The more your child fits, the longer you have to wait in the waiting room before getting to see a doctor.
2. The longer you wait in the waiting room, the longer you have to wait in the room where the inspection is.
3. The longer you wait in the examination room, the less time the doctor will spend for you and your child.
Limits of medical knowledge.
No remedy for stomach colic or common cold is known.
Result: you catch a cold and catch a runny nose, which you can not get rid of later if you listen all night to see if your child is groaning from stomach cramps.
No matter how terrible thoughts wander in your head about your child’s illness, anyway, calling your pediatrician, you hope to hear from him: “Do not worry. Your child’s condition is absolutely normal.”
The more important it is to pour all the medicine into your baby’s tummy, the more likely it will be on his or your clothes.
1. When a child’s medicine is clear and unmarked, it is never spilled.
2. If the medicine is bright red, it will fill the entire child, you, and at the same time, furniture.
Choosing a medical career.
1. If you do not allow your son to play doctor, then when he grows up, he will become a gynecologist.
2. A boy who plays doctor with all the girls in the neighborhood will become, when he grows up, a priest.
Discoveries in the issue of posture.
Poor posture is not due to the fact that the child stoops. It arises from the fact that he:
1. Reads books.
2. Preparing for the exams.
3. Participates in scientific projects to improve their school rating.
4. For days on end he’s fiddling with a violin.
5. Eats too many vegetables.
Complications on the eve of the visit to the doctor.
By the time you manage to write down your sick child on a visit to a doctor, he will go to school again and even have time to set a new record for the number of sit-ups.
Instructions on apples.
1. Eat an apple a day – and forget about doctors.
2. You can not force your child to eat one apple a month – where can we talk about one apple a day!
3. That’s why in North America today there are 24,000 more than very wealthy pediatricians.
The relationship between weather and health.
1. If the yard is damp, your child will necessarily catch a cold.
2. If the yard is cold, your child will inevitably pick up the flu.
3. If the heat is in the yard, your child will most likely experience dehydration.
4. If the weather is perfect, your child will play on the street and be poisoned with toadstools, which in such weather perfectly grow even on the asphalt.
A spoonful of sugar will help a child swallow medicines, and will also help make your pediatrician, and at the same time, a dentist.
Relatives who visit you and bring a box of chocolates, never pay bills issued by your dentist.
The dilemma of a dentist.
It’s best to plan your teen’s trips to the dentist for the year when they have the most difficult Class. Otherwise, they will not go to him for any gingerbread.
The discovery of Lo over acne.
Pimples never appear due to excessive eating of chocolate. In fact, pimples appear when:
1. The bed is covered.
2. Wash your hands before eating.
3. Dip the water in the toilet.
4. Close the refrigerator door.
5. Wash the dishes.
6. Take out the garbage.
7. Turn off the light after yourself.
Revenge of the Fairy Zubov.
When you visit a specialist in orthodontics with your teenager, do not forget to flaunt his brand new car … he’s bought for your money.