Murphy’s Laws on Babies



Riddle of family resemblance.

Your newborn will be terribly similar to Mr. Macacco. Mr. Makakko will deny his paternity.

Sound ambiguity.

All newborns make similar sounds. But yours does it louder.


The law of teething.

If a baby had a tooth every time his parents say, “He’s so restless, he’s likely to have a tooth cut,” then a big man would make a big crocodile.

Problems with help from the mother-in-law.

There are three reasons to fend off your mother-in-law’s offer, tearing to help you with the newborn. After all, you will have:

1. Extra mouth, which must be fed.

2. A superfluous person, for which it is necessary to clean.

3. Much more uninvited advice than you can use for the rest of your life.

Time trial.

The grandmothers who cooed about babies, and their eyes clouded with romantic tears, forgot how the care of a small child really looked.

The chances of a critical situation.

Critical situations arise only when:

1. You are left alone with the child.

2. All stores are closed.

3. In the yard a storm is raging.

4. Your car does not want to start.

5. You are not able to break through to your doctor.

6. It’s now a late Friday night before a three-day weekend with a holiday.

How to recognize your offspring.

The only baby in the ward for the newborn who does not sleep and yells at the top of his throat, waving wildly in the air with his little hands and throwing off his blanket with his feet, is exactly your beloved.

Visiting rules.

1. As soon as you gave your baby back to the ward for newborns and finally decided to take a little nap, ten visitors will appear at once. Your “perfect angel” will begin to be capricious exactly one minute after the arrival of a friend.

Excerpts from the “manual for the owner of the baby”.

1. Infants flow … from both ends.

2. Infants do not meet the latest requirements of the Environmental Protection Agency in terms of emission control.

3. Infants also do not meet the latest requirements of the Environmental Protection Agency in terms of noise control.


4. To feed, dress and learn the baby will cost you in America no less than $ 200,000.

5. Infants are released without any guarantees.

6. For babies, there is no provision for their subsequent delivery as a result of purchasing a new copy with improved characteristics.

Riddle on the backfill.

What does not allow you to live during the day and does not allow to lie down at night? (Hint: you can not buy this in the store.)

Action options for a crying baby.

1. Soothe the baby every time he cries, at the risk of fixing the habit of crying in him and thereby helping to make the crying even more frequent.

Result: Both parents sleep a little or do not sleep at night.

2. Allow the baby to cry in the hope that after a while he will completely exhaust his strengths and fall asleep naturally.

Result: Both parents sleep a little or do not sleep at night.

Professional difficulties.

1. If you do not transplant your little baby, it will be wet.

2. If you do not feed your baby, he will be hungry.

3. If you do not keep your baby in your arms, he will be capricious.

4. If you do not swaddle, do not feed or hold your baby, he will cry.

Consequence.

Taking care of a child is quite easy if you have nothing more to do.

Mysterious situations by the child.

1. If a child never cries, does not act up and sleeps all night, this is a neighbor’s child.

2. If a child cries and fits all day and all night, he is yours.

3. If the child is a “real angel”, then you are his grandmother.

4. If the child is a real “nail in …one place, “then you are his elder brother or sister.”

Mastery of Education

The fact that your child is always crying does not at all mean that you are a stupid parent, just a guilty one.

Secrets of a light slumber.

1. At the moment when your capricious child finally falls asleep in your arms, a phone call will sound.

2. At the moment you put the baby in the crib, he will immediately wake up.

Solving the problem of sleep.

Rhythmically repetitive sounds help to cradle small children, which are better covered under them, when Put the baby in your bed, put it next to your snoring husband, and the baby will immediately fall asleep. “Unfortunately, you will be made to stay awake.”

Family post-phobia.

Making love while the child is sleeping in your bedroom is all it’s the same as dancing rock’n’roll on tiptoe

The rule of a family bed

The smaller the child, the more space it will occupy in your bed

The question from the TV game

When your child finally starts to sleep all over night, will you still remember how you make love?



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