Merthology for nurses

Law of Lee.

A good nurse is more important than a doctor.

The Imbezy Law on keeping the amount of dirt.

In order for something to become pure, something else must become dirty.

Freeman’s approval.

You can make everything dirty without doing anything clean.

The first rule of nurses.

Never let doctors know that you know more of them.

Second law of hospitals.

Any action for which there is no logical explanation should be considered a “hospital policy”.

The Law of Sullivan.

Unexpected interruptions in your download always coincide with unexpected sudden situations in patients.

Фо Faulkner’s principle of recruiting hospital wards.

The friendliest and willing to cooperate patient is always in the same ward with the most warlike of the patients.

The rule of a cigarette.

If the patient, despite the advice of a doctor, nevertheless lights a cigarette, his neighbor in the room will have to Give oxygen.

The first rule of taking blood.

A good vein is always on the other hand.

Maxima Margot for nurses.

1. It always falls out to work with the doctor that you least like.

2. If you made a mistake in the presence of a doctor, then for the current working day you will surely come across this doctor at least three times.

3. A colleague with whom you do not get along will be made a boss.

Telesko laws on care of patients.

1. All patients who need intravenous fluids are at the other end of the corridor.

2. The doctor’s talent is inversely proportional to his willingness to help in the care of the patient.

3. There are two types of adhesive plaster: the first can not be glued, the second can not be torn.

4. All patients require an anesthetic injection at the same time.

5. Anyone who did not want to be anesthetized while you were walking through the ward and injecting the appropriate injections would require it when you give out sleeping pills.

Law of Lee.

Any bandage pre-cut to the desired length will be too short.

The riddle of Cutter.

If anything is too short, then, no matter how much it is cut, it will not be longer.

Klipstein Law

Dimensions and quantities will always be expressed in the most incomprehensible units.

Steinberg’s security rule.

That is the only time you allow a relaxation in security procedures, it will be the only time when everything will go wrong as a result.

Molly’s Law for Nurses.

If you are not sure which dosage the doctor prescribed, and did not recheck it, then you will definitely choose the wrong dosage.

Consequence.

In the case of a re-examination of the doctor’s order, the dosage that you intend to choose is correct.

The paradox of painkillers.

Painkillers that are prescribed to give as needed, are never given at a time when there really is a need.

The first rule for interns.

Never tell a patient: “I’m a beginner in this business.”

The rule for technicians engaged in the magnetic resonance method.

If the magnetic resonance imaging device is set to take a picture of the left shoulder, the next patient will need a snapshot of the right shoulder.

The law of time and distance for ambulance teams.

The distance from the hospital to the place from which it came in is increased as the time remaining until the end of the shift decreases.

Consequence.

The shortest distance between an ambulance station and the address of the patient is the highway, which is now closed for repairs.

Survival laws for patients of the emergency department:

1. The probability of survival of the patient is inversely proportional to his social value.

2. If the patient has more than two tattoos, he will never die, especially if one of them is a crooked pin or swastika.

3.The level of alcohol in the blood, exceeding 3.0 ppm, provides temporary immortality.

The law of the merger of hospitals.

With any merger of hospitals, a newly formed medical facility will provide the worst level and quality of care.

Consequences.

1. The larger the company, under the aegis of which the hospital gets, the less attention is paid to the personnel of this hospital.

2. When the authorities say that not a single workplace will be lost, it lies.

The basic principle for dispatchers of first aid.

Proceed from the assumption that all the personnel of the exit brigades are idiots, until their actions disprove this assumption.

The basic principle for ambulance ambulances.

Proceed from the assumption that all dispatchers are idiots, until their actions disprove this assumption.

Law of Levin.

Compliance with the rules will not ensure the performance of the work.

Consequence.

Performing work does not justify non-compliance.

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