Near-telephone phenomena of Frank.
1. If you have a pen, then there is no paper.
2. If there is paper, then there is no pen.
3. If there is one and the other, there is no information.
The VCR rule.
The most expensive video tape lotion is never used.
Kitchen laws of Mrs. Hammond.
1. Yeast dough rises and cream whipped only if you cook for your family or for guests who you did not really want to invite.
2. The last egg you will cram into the cake dough will turn out to be rotten.
3. Any kitchen utensils in a dishwasher will be immediately needed for something else.
4. Any measuring cup used for liquid products will immediately be required for dry ones.
5. The time for eating a dish is inversely proportional to the time of its preparation.
6. Whatever you put on the table, one of the guests had it for lunch today.
The laws of an experienced chef.
1. If you do not remember if the meat was taken from the freezer, so it thawed, then you did not.
2. If you do not remember if the coffee pot was left on, you left it.
3. If you do not remember whether you need to jump in for bread and eggs on your way home, then you must.
The law of Mrs. Weiler.
Everything is edible, if you chop it in small enough.
You can always cut your finger with a knife that is too blunt to cut anything at all.
Hamilton’s rule for cleaning glassware.
The spot you clean is always on the other side.
If the stain is inside, you can not get to it.
Dirty linen in the house is always greater than clean.
Clive’s refutation for Walker’s law.
If it’s clean, it’s not linen.
The dictum of Davis.
Technically, we seem to be able to protect our homes from children, but they still get everywhere.
H. Fish’s law on the behavior of animals.
The likelihood that a cat will eat its lunch has absolutely nothing to do with the price of food that was put before it.
Adolescent consequence of Fisk to the Parkinson law.
Stomach is stretched, allowing to accommodate any number of hamburgers, cheeseburgers and other fast food products.
The law of relativity according to Bollance.
The length of a minute depends on which side of the door you are in the toilet.
Horticultural postulate of Britt.
The life expectancy of a houseplant is inversely proportional to its price and is directly proportional to ugliness.
Market Laws for repair.
1. The tool you need is nowhere to be found, although it seems to be there.
2. The first parts or hardware you bought will be of the wrong size.
3. The lost tool can be found immediately after purchasing a new one.
If you wait for the master repairman all day, you will not see it like this. But if you just jump out for five minutes, he’ll come right away and, without waiting for you, leave.
Minton’s Law for Painting.
Any paint, irrespective of its quality or composition, will stick tightly to any surface, if only it got there accidentally.
The enigma of Kovacs.
If you dial the wrong number, there is never a busy signal.
The Thyssen Law.
The hardness of the oil is directly proportional to the softness of the loaf.
The principle of the location of pets.
On whatever side of the door the dog or cat is, it is always not where it should be.
Murphy’s Food Laws.
1. Everything you like is harmful.
2. If it’s not harmful, you can not afford it.
3. If you can afford it, now is not the season, and it’s just not there.
4. Each recipe includes one product that you do not have.
5. Substitutions never give the right taste.
6. Everything will be either overcooked or undercooked in the oven.In the microwave, everything will be both overcooked and undercooked.
7. If you do not make a list, you will forget the most important product.
8. If you compile a list, the most important product: the store will not.
9. The store will sell everything that the soul desires, except the products that you need.
10. The validity of food stamps always expires before you have a chance to use them.
Washing machines fail only during the washing cycle.