It is rare to see a large family today. The economic situation in recent decades is not the best to decide to give birth to more than two children. If such a family develops, then they look at it with suspicion and bewilderment. It seems that normal people can not afford this. There are stereotypes about large families in the society, they are most often considered unfit.
Children also look like an original tool for parents, which allows them to receive additional benefits and benefits. In our country, such families do occur, but one should not include all parents with many children who really serve the public good. These families are not easy – it is not enough to build good relations between parents and children, the children themselves must still be friends with each other.
Such concepts as friendship, mutual assistance, respect, and consent come to the forefront. And parents have to think more about the material aspects, however, these nuances in the eyes of others are still exaggerated. The society forms its attitude to large families on the basis of myths, which we will debunk.
Many children usually appear in dysfunctional families.
There are many dysfunctional families in Russia. But even employees of social services can not always use this term objectively, ordinary people, so even more so. For some, families with incomes below a certain level are disadvantaged, while others require entry into the “black list” of drinking parents, while others are referred to the outcasts of people only on the basis of physiognomy. The line between a dysfunctional and normal family is very subtle, from the side it sometimes can not even be discerned. Indeed, there are families where children grow up in unsanitary conditions, where they are not engaged by teachers, there is violence. But this happens not only in large families, but also in small families. Large families can aggravate problems in dysfunctional families. It is more difficult for them to remain unnoticed, the focus of social services is directed to such families in the first place.
Many children means irresponsibility.
This question has a philosophical basis. But is it not more irresponsible to interrupt pregnancy and kill an unborn child than to give life to a fifth or tenth child? Is it better to give the child the opportunity to live in his own room or be a loving father, at the expense of his personal life? Some choose a permanent financial dependence on her husband, while others believe that let the child be alone, but it can be asked toys. In each situation, the family should make its own choice. If a couple is determined to create a strong relationship and feels that their strength and love is enough for not one or two children, but for many, is this not worthy of respect? There is also an interesting observation, according to which well-off children often grow up in families with many brothers and sisters, even with a single father or mother, than in those where the parents come, and the child grows alone or among stepbrothers and sisters.
Large families only breed poverty.
Being a beggar is very scary. Unfortunately, in the state of chronic shortage of funds, many families, including those with many children, live. Most often, this phenomenon is noted in the outback, where children’s benefits become the main source of income for families. Few of us are sure of tomorrow, what can we say about the day after tomorrow. Who knows when the next crisis will come, how much will our profession be in demand, will there be an earthquake or a tsunami, will the war begin? We can not be sure even that on the street we suddenly do not lose consciousness. So how can you be sure that someone next to us breeds poverty? Yes, such children can simply wear things out of their older brothers and sisters and they do not travel abroad. And their English is not important, because parents do not have money for tutors. These children can remain without higher education, and the boys go to serve in the army.But why should this mean that these children are less happy than those growing in wealthy families? In large families, the financial question is indeed more acute than in the ordinary. Parents often have to think about money. In such cases, fathers with many children have to work more, mothers – to save, and children – to try to study well. They must understand that in their life they will most likely have to rely only on their knowledge. But does this apply only to large families? And what’s wrong with parents struggling to provide decent conditions for their children?
Growing up in large families try to have one or two children, remembering their childhood with horror.
Sometimes it really happens. On the other hand, people who grew up next to their alcoholic father are categorically unable to tolerate drinkers. Those whose mothers constantly “sawed” their husbands, try not to marry. Children are ill in any family where there is an unhealthy atmosphere or there are distortions in upbringing. Only here the number of brothers or sisters on this affects the last.
In a classical large family, the mother looks like a tired woman, who already does not care, and the father is an unhappy, tired man, gritting his teeth with all.
Some need a large family, but others do not need it. Everyone has his own path. There are no typical large families, they are exactly the same as other men and women. One manages to follow himself more, and the other less. New children in the family do not worsen the relationship, but only update them. The secret lies in the fact that people who create large families try to live peacefully, they do not have the opportunity to swear and get irritated, they have to help each other. If the couple does not try, then none of this will work. And those who seek to preserve their family, will be able to keep the flame of love. From fatigue can not escape, the children require moral and physical strength. On the other hand, they also charge their parents with energy. In large families, there is sometimes a miraculous effect of accumulation of forces. There are examples when adults, having 3-4 children, manage to keep pets, also working. And while they look great, fresh and cheerful. Such situations are generally atypical, but not unique at all. Especially Russian women are famous for their ability to overcome difficulties.
In a large family, it will not be possible to raise children properly.
It seems that the parents simply do not have enough time and energy to educate several children at once. This is not entirely true. In life, we always devote our time to what is important to us and what brings satisfaction. There are people who are really interested in spending time with children, educating them. They are found in small families, and in large families. Yes, and educated, and ill-bred children are found in a variety of families. It often happens that a child growing up alone grows spoiled.
The more children, the easier it is with them.
In a sense, it is really so. Having already gained some experience with the previous child, it is easier to grow new. But for a mother to have many children – this is a difficult job, which is not always appreciated by society. In a house where many children grow up, a mess is formed almost instantaneously. It is difficult to cook for such a horde, and for a long time. But life, albeit not easy, is still real. The main concerns of the mother of many children are usually associated not with this, but with the offspring. In the process of turning children into adolescents, adults will have to spend a lot of nerves and try not to spoil relations while remaining friends. Each child has its age crisis, there are personal difficulties and problems, which are also superimposed on the characteristics of the character.
In large families, children do not grow up to be selfish.
In a family where many children are growing, the soil for the development of selfishness is no worse than in others. Around the child there are many examples of more successful brothers and sisters, and envy will nourish a personal ego.You can be jealous of parents, feel offended because of the lack of personal belongings and places. Much depends on the parents – can they teach their children to take care of others, think about others, worry about them? If the dad and mom really think about the relationship between the children, they will be able to teach them everything they need. But again it is worth emphasizing that the number of children does not play a role here.
In large families, children lack attention and affection.
Someone thinks that many children in the family are almost like orphans. But in this case each child has his own interests, his own character and views. It helps to contact and interact with brothers or sisters. Children from an early age find themselves in a kind of socium, which teaches us to be guided not only by our own interests, but also by strangers. Children in such families do manage to get not so much attention as in others. But is it bad? If the child is protected from contact with the outside world, he will grow up as an unsuitable egoist who wants everything to turn around him alone.
A large number of children imply huge expenses.
It is quite logical that spending on raising three or more children is higher than on one. However, there is no direct geometrical dependence. If there is a small age difference between children, then things, books and toys from older children are given to the younger. It is common practice that younger children wear clothes for their elders. Up to 8 years, children grow faster than their clothes get torn and torn. This teaches children to also appreciate the work of their parents, and to protect the things they have acquired. After all, it is impossible to get something out of your whim and not take into account the interests of your brothers or sisters.
Parents will have to forget about free time.
The larger the family, the more attention it has to pay. But it is worthwhile to understand that when three or more children grow in it, this is a different situation than one child who constantly requires attention. In large families there is an important factor – children can occupy themselves. When a child in the family is one or two, they need the attention of adults, you want to play or just stay close to a loved one. And when the children are three or more, they can come up with a joint game. There may be problems, because among children there will always be competition and competition for the attention of parents and just each other. However, these are the usual moments of education. When a mother of many children reaches the school age, she already receives the “windows” of time. There are when to do yourself, work, your hobby. By the way, it may well become an additional source of income. Today you can earn on design, needlework, writing, being at home and using the Internet.
It is better to have one child and dedicate one’s life to it.
There are different opinions on this score. Often believe that it is better to acquire one child, but give him all the best in material terms, surrounding him with maximum love and care. Only who will grow up from a child who has a “ray of light” for his parents? Such a child is a real investment fund for the father and mother. When a second child appears in a few years, it may turn out that the former has become a real egoist who does not want to share the attention of adults with anyone. But this is how the baby manifests itself so far. What will happen to him next? One can only assume that this person will grow up stiff and pursuing only his own interests. With such a very difficult family relationship, the child seems to them a creature that draws attention from themselves. It’s doubly difficult when it comes to a man. A woman can enter into force with a banal maternal instinct, and selfishness is transformed, the mother will want to have many children. But men do not have that feeling. So, accustomed to the increased attention of the head of the family will hardly go on “sacrifices” for the sake of their children. He will perceive his wife as personal property. And he does not have to share it with anyone, even with children.In families with many children, trade-offs are constantly being formed. First you need to share toys, then you have to resolve disputes, not by fighting, but by words. So children are subconsciously preparing for adulthood. There, in society, selfishness and self-love will become a barrier to success.
Parents will love their children differently, some more, and some less.
Is the heart of the mother able to love any of the children less than others? Rather, an adult will not give enough attention and warmth to himself, than his child. Truth is said that they are loved by each in their own way, not for something, but in spite of. Mothers go to bed with thoughts about children and wake up the same way. The moments of the birth of every child are unforgettable! And how you can separate children, they are one. And certainly you can not quantify love and identify, in the case of which child it is more or less.
Large families live at the expense of the state.
It is a mistake to think that you can be enriched at the expense of children. In our country, without the status of a “low-income family”, such children can expect only for a free lunch at school, a privilege for admission to the garden, in theory somewhere they give out plots of land. The rest is at his own expense. This applies to food, utilities, school and rest. But parents know what they have to face. They do not give birth for money, using only what is supposed to. Each new child is an additional incentive to develop and earn even more so that the children will not need anything.
Many children are very hard.
Adults in a large family are really hard. Mothers have to spin like a squirrel in a wheel. But with one child it is not easy. If the kids are three, the time clearly has to be planned in order to catch everything. And the older the children, the easier it is with them, they quickly become accustomed to independence. When the mother is hard, she is given strength to think about how children will grow up and be rewarded with numerous grandchildren. And after the death of parents, children will never be left alone – in life they will always have a reliable support in the form of brothers or sisters. When there are many children, it is necessary to speak not of gravity, but of great responsibility to them. It is necessary to grow and educate not one, but several people. In Russia, only 6-9% of families with many children, it is obvious that few people decide on this step. But every new child for parents is an additional stimulus for growth. It is necessary only to want, and they will necessarily receive all the most necessary. Parents will feel the multiply multiplied love of their children. The house will become a real full cup. Every child is a new education for parents: medical, psychological, pedagogical. It remains only to wish the parents patience and red diplomas in these disciplines.