Not for all of us, childhood and school years were so cloudless. Someone had to face hooligans, who intimidated breakfast, pocket money.
Children first encounter violence, they do not know how to resist hooligans. What to do: try to fight with a superior force of the enemy or complain to teachers and parents, spoiling their reputation?
Practice shows that adults also do not understand how to behave in this situation. Intimidation of children is a difficult problem, which is surrounded by false approaches and misconceptions. Here are the most common mistakes that should be considered.
All hooligans act alone.
For some reason some adults believe that hooligans can not have friends. But the company of comrades is easier to feel stronger. If one by one chance to get a rebuff is great, then when a child is pressed several coevals at once, it can easily break down. In fact, there are several types of bullies, they should not be considered the same. Some children became so because they were mocked at their own time, while others see this as a way to climb the social ladder. But also such teenagers who intimidate others, simply prove to themselves the power and possibilities. Often bullying is motivated by the receipt of power in society. In other words, a hooligan is a kind of careerist who increases his status among peers. Intimidation is an effective tool, because it allows you to control others and set your own rules in school.
Hooligans increase their self-esteem.
Studies have shown that not all hooligans carry out attacks because of bad self-importance. Some of the most aggressive children are fairly self-confident and socially successful. They just realized that with the help of intimidation they will be able to get more attention, expand their social circle and strengthen their power in the school. Children suffer quite a lot from gossip, rumors about themselves and boycotts. That’s why it’s so difficult to stop hooligans, especially in primary and secondary schools.
Intimidation will make the child stronger and help shape the character.
From the constant bullying character is clearly not strengthened. On the contrary, it can lead to its weakening and vulnerability. It is known that children, over whom peers are bullied, suffer emotionally and socially. They feel alone and isolated. They have to fight with low self-esteem and experience depression. Intimidation can lead to physical injuries, and even to diseases. And in the most neglected cases, children can even think about suicide without seeing a way out of the situation.
Children scoff at those who are predisposed to it.
It is true that some characteristics of the child, such as shyness and unsociability, can increase the chances of persecution by peers. But children are scoffed more often not because of the personality of the object, but because the bully just chose such a goal. When trying to explain the bullying, the first thing that they pay attention to is the identity of the victim. The victim is accused that she is to blame for this attitude to herself. In fact, the blame and responsibility for intimidation should lie on the bully, not on the pursuit object. And the definition of children, as potential victims of hooliganism, allows attackers to avoid responsibility. Society seems to justify hooligans, saying that if there was a different victim, there would be no intimidation.
At this age, hooliganism should not be paid attention.
Adults often ignore the problem, believing that “let the children understand each other” and “we all went through it”. In fact, the atmosphere of intimidation can not be a normal part of a person’s growing up. And this is a very big problem that threatens with serious consequences.Intimidation affects the performance of a teenager, his mental health and physical condition, and can reach the point of suicide. Scars from emotional experiences at a vulnerable age can remain for life. There are studies that have shown that bullying in childhood leads to low self-esteem in adults and frequent depressions.
Children being bullied must learn to deal with the problem on their own.
Adults brush aside the problem, believing that an independent decision by the affected will help them to get stronger. The idea is that this is life, and we need to see all its aspects. But children can not cope with such a stressful situation on their own. If they could do this, then no one would have thought of such a problem. Once an adult realizes that his child is being bullied, he must begin to look for a solution to the problem. If assistance from outside does not come, then bullying will continue.
If children are intimidated, they will certainly inform parents about it.
Studies show that children usually try to keep silent about intimidation. There are a number of reasons why they do this. Usually, children are afraid that adults will not understand and scold them. There is concern that this can lead to a worsening of the situation. In fact, it is important for parents and teachers to detect signs of bullying. It’s a bad idea to just wait for the children to tell you everything themselves. Even children with excellent relationships with parents can remain silent when it comes to their intimidation by peers.
If the child is intimidated, then you should immediately talk to the parents of the bully.
Parents of the victim consider this step to be natural and paramount. However, in most cases this is not the best idea. Not only will the conversation take place on high tones, so the situation may even worsen. It is best to talk first with the teacher or the school administration to write a report on what is happening. In most modern schools there is a policy of combating hooliganism, which provides for a number of actions. Before initiating a meeting with other parents, you need to make sure that the problem has already been addressed by the education system.
In my child’s school, intimidation is impossible.
When shocking stories about the harassment and intimidation of children come to the pages of the newspaper, many simply assume that in their schools this can not happen by definition. The bitter truth is that bullying happens everywhere, you should not consider your child in absolute safety. Children and in elite schools are humiliating each other. Do not calm yourself, but you need to look for signs of this problem in your child, keep open channels of communication with him. Intimidation and hooliganism occur in all schools, regardless of race, religion or socio-economic status.
Intimidation is easy to identify.
Bullies are smart people. They know where teachers and adults spend most of their time. As a result, most of the violent actions take place when there are no teachers near to witness this. Bullying and intimidation are carried out on the playground, on the bus, on the toilet, in the locker room or in the busy corridor. Hooligans are also talented chameleons. It turns out that often the aggression is shown by those children who look charismatic and charming from adults. They are also socially intelligent. In fact, the same skills are used to manipulate teachers, administrators, parents, and to wound peers. It is for this reason that adults need outside help to identify the facts of bullying and intimidation in the children’s environment.